


Comfort Outside of Chaos

by DrivenByNostalgia09



Category: Tomb Raider & Related Fandoms, Tomb Raider (Video Games)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:47:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26063686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrivenByNostalgia09/pseuds/DrivenByNostalgia09
Summary: Lara doesn't know what it means to feel safe anymore until someone from her past comes by to remind her. Post-SotTR.
Relationships: Lara Croft/Samantha Nishimura
Comments: 9
Kudos: 137





	Comfort Outside of Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> Quarantine has gifted me with the opportunity to finally play the recent Tomb Raider trilogy and subsequently cursed me with a now-defunct fandom.
> 
> I wanted closure with Sam and Lara that I never got, so I tried to write my own. 
> 
> There are plenty of references to all three games and the comics.

**What inspires you?**

She stared at the bolded letters in front of her. She wished she knew the answer. She mulled it over in her head for a while, maybe a little longer than she anticipated, before angrily shutting the self-help book and throwing it aside. 

It was a stupid question anyway.

How was she supposed to know what inspired her? Lately, it felt like nothing did--like nothing could spark anything in her anymore. The thought startled her--the one that she hadn’t felt inspired in such a long time that she wasn’t sure how it even felt anymore. She wished there was a way you could cheat with questions like these, as if there could be an answer key in the back that would tell you what inspired you, could tell you that there are things in life that are worth sticking around for.

But she knew, life was cruel. There were no easy answers, unfortunately, and she had accepted that fact a long time ago. She thought about getting up from her bed to grab a drink or some food to ease her growling stomach, but the hallway outside just felt so long and narrow and  _ lonely.  _ At least her bed had the fake comfort of warmth where she could dream of getting hamburgers with her friends and making a stew for dinner and feeling like she had her life together. 

Where she could close her eyes and pretend she was dancing--free of worries and full of love.

Lara let out another sigh and, against her own body’s wishes, she threw the covers off and made her way out of bed to feed her growling stomach. When was the last time she had any sense of normalcy? Those days were long gone. The feeling of accomplishment and freedom after arriving back from Peru faded in a few weeks. If only everything could be wrapped up so nicely in a little bow after taking out Trinity. 

But with Trinity out of the way, her mind had made room for new thoughts--thoughts that she hadn’t allowed herself to explore when there was so much more on her plate.

There was a piece of her that missed the adrenaline that came with saving the world from a Mayan apocalypse, or from preventing the power of immortality from getting into the wrong hands, or saving your best friend from the ghost of a centuries old Japanese queen.

That last thought stops her in her tracks, and she almost drops the cup of tea in her hands. 

She had decided within a few minutes of reaching the kitchen that tea was all she really had the energy to put together for herself. She considered calling for Winston, but she didn’t want to have another conversation about how worried he was about her. It was sweet, but she wasn’t particularly in the mood for Winston to try to dissect her mess of a mind.

Who was she before she longed for adventure? 

Before Yamatai?

She quickly tried to shake her head of those memories--the memories that were filled with days cramming for exams and weekends camping trips with Roth.

And Sam Nishimura.

She nearly slammed her cup of tea down. Once she started thinking about Sam it was a little hard to stop. Sam had tried to contact her more than a few times since she’d been back home, but Lara had yet to return any of her calls. She wasn’t even sure where Sam was anymore.Even Jonah had been encouraging her to respond to Sam’s calls.

She realized she really had no excuse anymore. Her life had slowed down exponentially after her return from Peru, there was absolutely no feasible reason for her to not sit down and return a god damned phone call. 

She had nearly gone through hell and back, but her mind refused to let her acknowledge the presence of one Samantha Nishimura. 

Lara Croft knew of facts. Lara Croft knew how to identify and differentiate between Incan and Mayan artifacts from thousands of years ago. 

Lara Croft, apparently, did not know how to cope with unresolved feelings for her former best friend.

Relationships had never been her area of expertise, particularly romantic ones. Jonah or Sam had always been the one making connections and friends everywhere they went together. 

What did it mean to have romantic feelings for someone, she wondered. She had never really had the time to be romantically involved with anyone. Sam had tried to set her up a few times, but nothing had ever really clicked. She had always been so distracted over the past few years-- with school, with Sam, with saving the world, with Sam, with Sam, with Sam.

She felt as if the frown was going to permanently etched onto her face at that point. How many nights was she going to spend mulling over her feelings for Sam, whatever they were? 

She tried to reason with herself. So what if she might have had more-than-just-friendship feelings for Sam? What did that change? Sam was still an important person in her life, and important people in her life deserved to have their phone calls returned. 

She nodded to herself and made an internal promise to herself that she’d call Sam back in the morning, sure that she wouldn’t back out like she had the last four times she had come to the same conclusion. 

The sound of Winston clearing his throat snapped her from her thoughts. He offered her an apologetic smile when he saw how shocked she was,

“There’s someone at the gate,” he told her, voice still laden with sleep. 

“Who on Earth would be here so late?” Lara wondered out loud. It wasn’t as if she had very many friends that would visit her even when the sun was out, much less when it was nearing midnight.

“She says you two are old friends.”

She could nearly feel her heart drop down to her gut. 

It couldn’t be, Lara told herself. There was absolutely no way the world could be so cruel.

She didn’t bother to check the cameras before rushing outside only to confirm that the world was indeed that cruel. There she was, standing just outside the gate in the middle of the night with a cheeky grin on her face. There was a mixture of relief and dread at the sight of her. She missed her friend dearly and couldn’t figure out if it was at all appropriate to pull her into a long hug and completely ignore the elephant in the room.

“Sam,” she breathed, still in disbelief that the very person that had kept her up at night the past week was now standing in front of her. 

“Hey Lara,” she grinned sheepishly. “You uh, weren’t returning my calls.”

“I was going to call you back tomorrow, I swear,” Lara reasoned quickly, but hearing it said out loud, she knew it was a lie. She had been chasing answers for so long that she hadn’t realized how far she’d run from all her other problems.

“Okay,” Sam smiled, “if you say so Lara.”

Lara took note of the tired look in her eyes and how pale she was. She looked nervous, not something Lara was used to seeing on her. Though, she supposed that she would be a nervous wreck if she were in her shoes. 

“Um, sorry, i just--,” Sam took a step back, “this was probably a bad idea, I’ll just go. Sorry.”

“No!” Lara shouted before Sam could take another step away. This was her chance to finally reconnect with her best friend, to finally do what she had been telling herself to do for the past week.

Sam raised an eyebrow at her, unsure of what Lara wanted her to do. 

“Stay, please, I just...stay.”

Lara licked her lips nervously, trying to decipher what Sam could be thinking. Was she angry? Upset? Sad? Lara couldn’t tell by the look on her face and it drove her crazy.

“Okay,” Sam said softly and there was an awkward beat before she asked, “So, uh, you gonna let me in or what?”

“Oh, right,” Lara chuckled nervously as she opened the gate. “Come on in.” It was only then that she noticed that Sam was shivering. “Sorry, it’s freezing out here, I’ll make you some tea.”

“Oh it’s fine,” she laughed it off as she followed Lara up the pathway. “I, uh, was just kinda standing out here for a while before I rang the bell,” she mumbled before shyly looking away. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me.”

“I always want to see you.”

The words came out before Lara could stop herself, and she had to bite her lip before anything more could escape.

“Could’ve fooled me,” Sam shrugged and Lara felt her guilt increase tenfold. She was about to muster up a long apology, but was interrupted when Sam let out a loud appreciative whistle. “Holy shit Lara, look at this place.”

Sam brushes past her, eyes wide in amazement, any nerves suddenly gone and replaced with disbelief. 

“Right, you’ve never seen the infamous Croft manor, have you?” she chuckled, happy to see Sam start to feel a bit more comfortable. “Well, this is home now, I guess.”

“This is incredible.”

“Shall I prepare some more tea for our guest?”

Both girls turned to face the older man, who looked at them with an amused smile across his face.

“Oh no, it’s alright Winston, I can handle it. Go get some rest, it’s late.”

Lara had to reassure Winston that she would be fine before he left to go back to sleep 

“Sorry,” Lara mumbled out an apology, still unsure of how to act around Sam. It felt like it had been so long since they were able to act like things between them were okay. After Yamatai, everything had changed. “He can get a little overprotective sometimes.”

“It’s alright,” Sam responded, staring at the old paintings adorning the wall. “Are you going to give me a tour or not?” 

Lara wasn’t sure what to expect when Sam decided to charge back into her life in the middle of the night, but that certainly wasn’t it.

“I--what? You want a tour of the manor?”

And before Lara could protest, Sam was grabbing both of her hands and led her up the stairs. “Yeah, of course,” she said enthusiastically, “why not?”

Maybe Lara wasn’t the only one running away from her problems.

It was clearly an attempt at avoiding what she had really come all that way for, but Lara welcomed the avoidance with open arms, “Alright, alright,” she laughed, playing along. “Let’s go.” 

The grip on her hands loosened and Lara wanted the moment to last a little longer. Sam had always been a little touchy-feely, and Lara couldn't help but crave those moments again. She missed the intimacy, even if it was only friendly, she missed the sense of normalcy between them. She missed the casual hand-holding, the hugs, the way her head fell against her shoulder after a long day.

What did it matter that there was a part of her that wanted more than just friendship? Sam, for a long time, was a source of comfort. It killed her at how quickly things had changed, at how that was no longer the case. 

She hated Yamatai.  _ Hated _ it.  _ Hated  _ that it took away Alex, Grim, and Roth, took away one of her only sources of comfort, tore away a piece of home. 

She fought so hard to save Sam, why was she pushing her away now? Why had she ever? To keep her safe? She supposed that made sense back then.

But now? What was her reason  _ now? _

“This was my father’s office,” Lara trailed off as she opened the door. “Or, well, I suppose it’s mine now, isn’t it?”

Sam didn’t respond and instead walked slowly to one particular corner of the room and picked up one of the relics she had hanging on the wall. “From Yamatai?” she questioned, her face unreadable.

“Yeah,” Lara breathed, worried that she had upset Sam, but she quickly put the relic back where she found it and walked away. Lara watched her from the doorway, feeling as if she might as well been miles away from Sam as she circled the office. 

“That’s from Kitezh,” Lara commented on the artifact Sam had picked up from her bookcase. Sam remained quiet and the only indication that she had heard Lara was a confused tilt of her head. “Oh, uh, kind of a long story. Lost civilization kind of thing,” Lara tried to say as casually as possible. “It was in Siberia.”

“Right,” Sam nodded as she put it back down. “And what about these?” she asked as she rounded the table and gestured to a few more relics.

“Paititi,” Lara replied, “in Peru.”

“What? Another lost civilization?” Sam chuckled.

“I mean, well, yes actually,” Lara stumbled over her words. 

“You’ve got a knack for that, don’t you?” Sam shook her head and grinned at her. 

“I suppose I do.”

“You’ll have to tell me about it sometime,” Sam replied softly, “I mean, if you want to.”

“I do want to, trust me Sam,” Lara rushed to figure out the best words that would reassure Sam just how much Lara wanted her back in her life. “It’s just...a lot has been on my mind and I…”

Sam didn’t give Lara a chance to continue before grabbing her hands again and pulling her out of the room. “Come on, let’s go see a non-work related room.”

This time, Lara was able to see the distress on her friend’s face and she wondered if she had spent as many sleepless nights as she did thinking about what they would say to each other if they ever saw each other again.

But Sam was different from her. Sam tried to call. Sam flew all the way to England just because she wouldn’t pick up the damned phone. 

In return, Lara had done nothing to reassure her that she had made the right decision.

“What’s in here?”

In typical Sam Nishimura behavior, she didn’t wait for an answer before opening the door. She had always been the more impulsive one. Lara was glad that everything had happened with Himiko hadn’t changed that 

“This is, uh, my room,” Lara told her, very much still aware of the hand holding onto hers. She scratched the back of her head nervously and wondered briefly if there was a chance this was all a dream. 

It wasn’t as if it were even anything that outrageous. In fact, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that all of this was very much what she would expect from Sam. Lara had always been so fixated on one goal--anything else almost always took a backseat. But Sam? Sam was the type of person that just went with the flow--so creative in times where Lara would be so linear. And somehow, it worked out for Sam in the end. She would find a way to make it work, and that was just who Sam was.

There was an odd sense of  déjà vu as she watched Sam circle her room in a similar fashion as she did the previous room. Lara didn’t keep any artifacts or relics or documents in her room. She wasn’t in her room all that much anyway, and she preferred to keep work out of it, despite how much she loved her work. 

“ _ Unlocking the Secrets of Motivation, _ ” Sam read off the title of the book she had discarded earlier, and she couldn’t contain her laughter. “I have two very important questions: One, who on Earth came up with this awful title. Two, why on Earth are you reading something that sounds this horrendous?”

The genuine laughter was infectious and Lara couldn’t help but join her. “It was what I assume was a gag gift from Jonah after I told him that it was strange adjusting to life without all the adventure. Or at least I hope it was a gag and not an actual genuine gift.”

“I mean, Jonah should know that you’re all about the facts and numbers, not abstract thoughts and ideas about how to get work done,” Sam joked.

Lara walked over and grabbed the book out of Sam’s hands, giving in one more glance before tossing it aside once more. “I would hope he knows that by now,” Lara let out one last chuckle before turning back to see Sam staring at her curiously.

“So you miss the adventure, huh?”

Lara had to look away before sitting back down on her bed. “Well, yeah. It's consumed my whole life ever since Yamatai. And of course I’m glad that Trinity isn’t around wreaking havoc anymore, but there’s a part of me that just misses the adrenaline rush, you know?”

“Yeah,” Sam replied softly, taking a seat next to her, “I know.”

“Sam,” she started, finally wanting to address the elephant in the room, “why are you here?”

“I already told you,” she frowned, annoyed, “you weren’t returning my phone calls.”

“Was there something you wanted to tell me?” Lara asked softly, scared that anything she might say would upset her. 

“I just miss you Lara,” Sam told her. It was the most honest thing she could say. “You just up and disappeared for over a year after saving me from Himiko. You didn’t even give me a choice about whether or not I wanted to stay in your life. You decided for me, Lara, and that’s just not fair.”

“I  _ had _ to Sam, I knew you would’ve wanted to come with me!”

“And why did you get to decide that for me? The word doesn’t fucking revolve around you!” Sam yelled as she stood back up and began pacing back and forth in front of her. “I know you had your reasons, Lara, but you were my best friend...and you just left me.” 

Sam stopped pacing and stood in front of her.

“You were the most important person in my life and you left me.”

Lara tried and failed to hold back tears. “Sam, you were the most important person in my life too...that was why I had to leave. I couldn’t keep seeing you get hurt.”

“I’m an adult,” she scoffed, “I think I get to decide if I want to put myself in danger or not.”

“I’m sorry Sam,” Lara looked away, unable to face the truth of what she had done, “I really am, but I don’t regret it. I wish there had been another way.”

“You’re never going to stop being so stubborn, aren’t you?” Sam groaned. “There  _ was _ another way Lara, it just wasn’t the way you wanted it to go.”

Lara didn’t have a response to that.

“But you know what? I forgive you for that because,” Sam hesitated, “Because I’m not so sure I wouldn’t have done the same thing if I were in your shoes.”

Lara finally mustered up the courage to look at Sam and she wished there was a way she could take away the pain that felt as if it were permanently etched onto her face. 

“But what about  _ now _ , Lara. Now that Trinity is gone, what’s stopping you  _ now _ ?”

“That’s funny,” Lara couldn’t help but laugh at the question, “I was just asking myself the same question before you showed up at my doorstep.”

She was stalling. They both knew she was stalling.

Sam sighed and returned to her seat next to her. “Did you happen to come up with an answer?”

“I…well…”

Lara knew the answer. She had come to the conclusion right before her and Jonah’s trip to Mexico to track down Dominguez; where she promptly buried the drug-induced epiphanies where they belonged--locked in a box underneath thoughts of revenge against Trinity-- and told herself it was something she would deal with later. 

Except now it was later, and she hadn’t even begun to deal with it at all. 

“Lara,” Sam’s voice pulled her from her internal dialogue, “I didn’t come here to yell at you. I’m not even mad at you, not really. I just want to know if we can be friends again.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at her, but she could feel her place her hand over her own. “For what it’s worth, I’d like to be your friend again. Stubbornness and all.”

“Of course I want to be friends again, Sam,” Lara told her carefully, “but…”

The words got stuck in her throat when she looked back up at Sam. How was she even supposed to begin telling her how she felt? How did you tell your best friend the reason you had been avoiding them for the past few years was because she didn’t want to admit she was in love with her?

Was that really it? Was she in love?

Was that so bad?

“But what, Lara?”

“But what if that’s not all I want?”

Lara could’ve sworn her heart stopped when the words came out. After all that she had gone through, this was going to be the death of her, she was sure of it. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean,” Lara took a deep breath, “well, you deserve to know the truth Sam, especially after I’ve left you in the dark for so long. And that truth is that I think I’m in love with you.”

She almost couldn’t believe that the truth was out there, that she had said it as easily as she did.

“But, you know,” Lara began rambling before Sam could react, “I just, it’s just you know--well, we don’t have to--I’m perfectly okay with being friends--I just--”

“Oh my God, Lara please shut up,” Sam laughed, tears in her eyes.

Did she think this was funny? Lara could feel the embarrassment creep up and wished she was miles away back in Paititi helping Etzli rebuild.

But then Sam kissed her and thoughts of Paititi were quickly discarded. It was quick and chaste, but she reveled in the feeling of Sam’s hands cupping her face, and she hadn’t realized just how much she longed for some form of physical intimacy. She couldn’t control the rush of emotions when Sam pulled away and immediately burst out into tears and buried herself into Sam’s shoulder.

“Shit! Lara I’m sorry, I just thought--”

“No, no, Sam it’s okay,” Lara reassured her, trying to regain some semblance of control over herself. She felt the tension ease quickly as Sam wrapped her in a long overdue hug and rubbed circles on her back. She was so touch starved, she craved the casual intimacies that Sam always used to provide. She just wanted to be held. For so long she had to be strong, but a person could only take so much.

Jonah did what he could, and Lara credited him for keeping her head on straight for a lot of their journey, but there was a kind of comfort she received from Sam that no one else ever seemed to replicate. 

“I guess I just missed you even more than I thought. And I definitely thought I missed you a lot,” Lara laughed, pulling away from her and wiping her tears from her eyes. “I’m sorry this took so long Sam.”

Sam shook her head. “You had the weight of the world on your shoulders, literally,” she laughed, “it’s okay. We’re here now. That’s what matters, right?”

“Right.”

“And for the record,” Sam cupped her face again, “I love your stubborn ass too.”

Lara laughed and let herself sink into the feeling of Sam lips on hers again, let herself sink into the comfort of Sam’s arms. Sam, who never let anyone dictate who she was or what she could do. Sam, who was so endearingly impulsive. Sam, who was so confident in who she was. 

Beautiful, wonderful, patient Sam Nishimura. 

“And to think I have to thank an accidental drug-induced hallucination for all this.”

“You have to thank what now?”

Lara only shrugged before she told her, “it’s a long story.“

“You have a lot of those, don’t you?” Sam asked with a soft smile. “I can’t wait to hear them all.”

  
  



End file.
